What It Means To Be A Man

Good Evening Readers,

I haven't written in a while and I apologize. Between graduating from college and starting a new job my spare time has drastically diminished. I wrote this poem today. It came to me on my way to work and I worked on it throughout the day. Please let me know what you think. I'm completely open to constructive criticism.


Peace readers

-Stylish Ev   

What It Means To Be A Man

Every guy seems to know what it means to be a man
As if masculinity came with a manual and they all had it at hand,
Part of me wants to side with the 51.6 percent of the population on the views of manhood,
But of the other part of me wants clarity,

Because some aspects are misunderstood

For one,

Why is it unacceptable for a man to cry,
I cried when I entered this world
And I'll probably cry before I die,
I don't see why shedding a tear would make me any less of a man,
We all have emotions so why does mine have to remain so bland.

Also,

What's with the obsession with men being tough,
Who gave parents the idea that little boys like to play rough,
I have an average build for a guy my age
I'm not the buff,
But because I'm a man I'm not suppose to tolerate a lot of stuff,
I'm a peacemaker I don't like to fight
And if our relationship means nothing to me then I don't have to prove I'm right,
But a man is suppose to be a tough guy right?
How tough will you be sleeping in jail

Counting as the days go by each night,
I don't know about the other men but to me this doesn't seem right,

Also,

Why must a man never ask for help.
Even if we have no clue how to do something we have to fix our gloves or tighten our belts
Some of you might be too old school to remember how this felt
Standing there with a curious mind,

Too scared to ask for a new deck of cards,
Because a man - always- plays with the hand he's dealt,

Also,

Why is it necessary for a man to keep another woman on the side,

If I'm interested in the woman I'm pursuing my emotions aren't there to hide,
Are we supposed to just disregard an amazing relationship for the sake of our pride,
You think only one heart gets broken when two hearts collide
I refuse to be like an average man
So to hell with this men's guide,

To me being a man means that you have nothing to hide

Not only would you stand up for what's right
But you would stand up for the people by your side,
It means learning from your mistakes so you could grow stronger
Not, holding everything in until you can't hold it any longer.
It means devoting your love to just to one person
Not sleeping with multiple people and always lusting
With all these men roaming the earth we need more father's and less nut busting,
It means hugging the people you love more
Telling them that you appreciate them and everything they stand for,

I seen men die for all the wrong reasons
I wish somebody could have grabbed them once,
Told them that being a man has more than one meaning...


- Everette S. Hamlette

Questioning Loyalty

What does it mean to be loyal? I’ve encountered multiple relationships which ended because one person in the relationship wasn’t “loyal” to the other. So I asked them what it means to be loyal and they typically responded that it means not to cheat or backstab a partner. So then I asked if they gave them any reason to cheat or backstab them and immediately they would respond in different ways. The most common would be, I’m not sure but if I did why wouldn’t they end ties with me first before they cheated or backstabbed me? The answer to that is they have become loyal to somebody else. Loyalty is a strong feeling of support or allegiance. Once that feeling begins to diminish, that person would want to naturally replenish those feelings. They would either attempt to work them out with the current person that they are with or seek someone new.

Let’s take a deeper look into what loyalty truly is... Allegiance, is commitment of a subordinate to a superior or of an individual to a group or cause. Being loyal means giving or showing firm and constant support or allegiance to a person or institution. So when loyalty comes into question it comes from one person towards another. A person wants to be loyal to somebody who they trust and can obtain a consistent support system with. In my opinion, loyalty has to be balanced in order to maintain itself for a long period of time. However, the act itself of being loyal to somebody has been altered due to the fact that an individual will be loyal to somebody they don’t completely trust or know.

Loyalty is the full devotion to a commitment. People often end up hurt due to not fully understanding this. Yes, there is nothing wrong with people being loyal to somebody, but before you considering doing that make sure feelings and the level of mentality is transparent among the two of you. Why would somebody want to be loyal to someone who they barely even know? Simple, because they want that person to be loyal to them; for whatever the reason may be. However, this is the worst way to try to obtain an individual's loyalty because if betrayed the damage will be irreversible on oneself. Meaning it will be harder for you to trust and remain loyal to somebody else.

In the Gospel of Matthew 6:24, Jesus states, "No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other.” Loyalty is more than an action. Loyalty is a mindset and if both parties aren’t mentally ready to be loyal to one another then that relationship would never strive. The unfortunate backfire of this situation is the lack of ability to be loyal to somebody else in the future. Once betrayed it is hard to dig deep and trust somebody else again, inevitably making you the non-loyal person in the future. It then becomes a vicious cycle that I feel is faced constantly today by a majority of people. In order to solve this problem, just make sure you truly know who you are loyal to readers. When you need that support you have to be able to trust that person will be there for you when you need them most.

As Early As 1872

The double standard that men are applauded for having multiple sex partners and women are scorned still eludes me. Why is the judgment leaned more so in one direction? I also don’t understand the double standard that it is all right for men to openly discuss sexual details and aspects about themselves and their partners, however, if a woman wants to do so it comes off as vulgar behavior. I feel like this idea stems from a man wanting a woman that would be the best mother to their children. A man doesn’t want to be with a woman that isn’t suited to raise a child.

Growing up I personally didn’t want to be with a girl that has been around. However, the older I’ve gotten, the more open I’ve become to the idea. I view women as equals, so if I don’t judge my guy friends for sleeping around, why should I judge my female friends for that? I can’t judge somebody based solely on their past. Yes, I will take their past into consideration but, if they are honest with me and are all about me, then I don’t see any problem with being with a highly sexually active woman.

The men are supposed to pursue the women and in the process of this, an idea comes into play that no man wants a woman that has been around. A man sometimes brags to his friends about his pursuit of a woman. Gay women brag about the amount of sex they have as well, but you won’t often come across a heterosexual woman that talks about the guys she’s having sex with. If a woman has been around, is it then her job to pursue the man?

I’ve been in a situation where a woman wanted me and pursued me. First off, it’s flattering being pursued. It’s not something I want to get used to, but here and there I wouldn’t mind it if a woman was more open with herself sexually. There is nothing wrong with a woman going after a man she wants, in my opinion. If this double standard ever ceases to exist, then more of this would happen. Should the roles change? Does the woman take on the lead role in the relationship due to her high sexual activity? You would think that this is the case, but the second a woman goes for a man the assumption is that she does this regularly. The assumption is that she is a whore. Why?

I feel as if women were more open about their sexuality, this mentality would be completely different. I see more and more women showing off more skin and claiming they don’t hook up with guys, knowing that they do. Why lie about that aspect of yourself? Is it because women believe it will be more appealing to a man if he thought they weren’t having a lot of sex? Is it appealing to a woman if a man has a lot of sex? I feel like a woman would judge a man on the number of people he’s slept with and this leads to them being more conservative about their own sexuality. How could this be more balanced?

According to history, a woman was supposed to save herself for marriage. This idea obviously changed and it is difficult to find a woman to be your first. Are we approaching a reversed era where men should start saving themselves for marriage? No, because that would be crazy. So, why is this idea that woman have to hide their sexuality such a problem?

Overall, I believe the double standard relates to confidence in oneself. We like to be with someone who makes us feel good about ourselves. However, if we already feel good about ourselves, without anybody else, then it won’t matter who we are having sex with; we won’t be intimidated by what our friends or family think of it. So do yourself a favor and just be honest about who you are because the more you hide it, the more you’re feeding into societies double standard.

Peace readers

-Stylish Ev   

Stay Connected

When I think back to my freshman year at Centenary College of NJ, I can still recall the high level of interaction amongst the students. There was eye contact being made, conversations that would hold you up from making it to class on time, and let's not forget to mention hugs; lots of hugs.

I can still remember girls coming to class wearing their best outfits to grab a guy’s attention. However, now a girl would just post a provocative Instagram post, calculating every like she gets. I can still remember how guys would have to build up the courage to sit next to the girl they wanted to get to know. However, now he'd like a few of her pictures and if she liked a few back, he’d slide up in her DM (Direct Messages).

When I think back to my freshman year of college, I can still recall when students would walk around with their heads held high. I’m not talking about their level of self-confidence though. Take a look the next time you walk around and you will see people with their ears plugged up. Their chins fused to their chests, with their thumbs gyrating all over their phones. I can still remember walking a certain way to class just to see somebody and find out how they’re doing. Now people would just text them “How are you?” and like a few of their emotional posts, saying, “I’m here for you.” But are you really?

Bumping into people now is literally bumping into somebody that wasn't looking up to see where they were going. I used to look forward to bumping into somebody and asking them something. Now if somebody bumps into me they won’t even say hi, they would text me later that week and say they saw me. What happened to human interaction?

It disturbs me how making eye contact with somebody has become socially awkward and we would rather hide behind a phone than approach someone. Try going a day without depending on your phone. Believe it or not, there was a time when I had friends without having a cell phone. That whole “keeping your circle small” mentality is new to me. Back in the day when our phonebooks were actually notebooks, my circle was only as big as the amount of house numbers I could memorize.

I think back to before high school when cellphones were just starting to enter our lives and I wish somebody would have told me how bad of an idea they were going to be. I wish somebody would have told me that all cellphones would end up doing is desensitizing our humanity, causing us to be more dependent on our phones throughout time. Do yourself a favor and go a day without constantly staring at your phone, you might realize how amazing the world could be through your own eyes.

Peace readers

-Stylish Ev   

These Moments

I hope you had a wonderful weekend, full of love and affection. Even if you didn’t spend Valentine’s Day with a significant other, I hope you spent it with a family member or close friend. Always remember to live in the happy moments because it is common to only cherish events when they’re just memories. I spent Valentine’s Day hosting auditions for my TV show. It wasn’t romantic, however I was doing something I loved. This past week has been filled with a lot of work and excitement for me.

Every aspect of it still feels surreal and even now, writing this blog, I still can’t believe what I’ve accomplished. I acquired an amazing cast and rewrote my entire show to add in more characters. I have such a dedicated staff and crew, I’m learning a new language, and I’ve passed all of my exams for my classes. I still can’t believe the impact I’ve had on people in the past week, as well as the impact I’ve had on my own life. To be completely honest I’ve never felt so alive before, it brings a smile to my face doing what I love.

This past week I dedicated a lot of my time and attention to writing my TV show, and I was amazed about how free I felt. I didn’t pay attention to my phone or any kind of social media. I’ve been busy working; on my school work, TV show, and myself. I felt bad not getting back to people who were trying to contact me, but when you’re chasing your dream it’s hard to pay attention to reality. Have you ever just been so immersed in an activity that time wasn’t even a concern anymore? That’s how you know you love what you’re doing.

If you’re doing something in life and time just flies by while you do it, then why stop? These are the moments in life that impact our souls. These are the moments that we look back on in the future and just smile. Our defining moments don’t have a definition until their page in the dictionary has been turned. Life is a book, and the pages are constantly being turned. My biggest fear is finding myself towards the end of the book and not understanding its contents. So live in those moments where time eludes you, because I believe that those moments define who you are.

Peace readers

-Stylish Ev  

Course of Action

Tonight I will be having my first general interest meeting for a scripted comedy series I wrote, entitled Textbook. If you’re a UAlbany student, stop by the ATV Office -which is located in room CC 326- at 8 p.m. tonight, February 10th. I dedicated a lot of time and effort into writing this TV show and I felt extremely confident about it during the creative process. However, now that I’m in the execution phase my confidence is diminishing slowly. Thoughts such as, “what if nobody shows up,” or “what if the viewers don’t like the show,” run through my mind. I know that these doubts have the potential to negatively affect my work ethic and alter how I present my show, and most importantly, myself.

“Confidence is key.” We have all heard this quote before and know exactly what it depicts. In order for me to hit the nail on the head tonight with this meeting, I need to exude confidence. One may wonder how this can be achieved. I’ve already taken the first step by identifying my own negative thoughts about my show. Identifying them allows me to be able to begin to form positive affirmations. For example, when I think about if viewers will like my show, I reassure myself that they will enjoy it because my plot and ideas are engaging.

Disallowing negative thoughts to consume you will leave room for positive thoughts to grow. Doing this will eventually counter your negative self criticism with positive self-thinking, ultimately building your confidence. Maintaining a positive atmosphere can affect your confidence in the same way. Your friends and family are great resources for a positive support network. You should take some time to think about which individuals in your life really make you feel great. Make it a priority to spend more time with people who are supportive and up-lifting.

I am very grateful for my support team, who knows about my show and pushes me to remain on track constantly. I speak to them more often than anyone else because it helps me avoid the potential burdens of my own negativity. When you are in this kind of situation it is important to avoid spending time around things that can further your negative feelings about yourself. Constantly being in a positive state makes it easier to identify your own talents. Everyone is good at something, so discover the things you excel at and focus on them. For me, this is writing. When you're following your passion, not only will it be therapeutic, but you'll feel unique and accomplished; all of which can help build your self confidence.

What’s most important is that we to take pride in ourselves. Not only should we be proud of our skills, but also of the aspects of our personality that makes us great. A close friend of mine always boasts about his own greatness and at first this seemed very unorthodox to me. Then I realized how confident this made him feel. It can be anything you feel great about.

It can be your sense of humor, your sense of compassion, your listening skills, or your ability to keep trying. You may not think that there's anything about your personality that deserves admiration, but if you dig deep – and I mean really deep – you'll realize that you have plenty of admirable qualities. I came to this realization and that’s why I’m going to walk into that meeting tonight, and perform like it’s the half time show for the Super Bowl.



Peace readers

-Stylish Ev

Best Friends Vs. Boy & Girl Friends

I just celebrated my 23rd birthday Sunday, January 31st. I still can’t believe that I’m 23, time really does fly by. I can still remember hanging out with my friends in high school. We would play basketball after school until late at night.

“Bro, I never seen anybody jump the way you do. No lie when I see you jump for a second I think you’re flying up there.”

I still remember talking about life with my close friends.

“Bro, you’re gonna make it with your poetry, I can see you writing a book and traveling the world.”

We imagined where life will take us in the future; wondering if all of us still will be hanging out together.

“Bro, my kids will be playing with your kids one day, we’ll being having BBQ’s in our backyards like your pops always do in the summer.”

None of us were never close to imagining that our lives would turn out the way it is now.

“I know we have different parents, I know we come from different parts of the world, but you’re my brother and we don’t need to be have the same blood to make that true.”

All that bonding – all that time spent together – and I never thought my close friends, I considered family at one point in my life, would lose touch with me over time…

Recently I’ve been hearing about people commonly expressing the amount of pain they endure during a breakup with a significant other. However, nobody ever talks about how much it hurts to lose a close friend. In my opinion, the pain of breaking up with a friend is greater than the pain of breaking up with a significant other. That friendship shaped your life in more ways than love and romance. Breaking a best friends bond shatters deeper than any boy/girlfriend relationship. Think about it, the person we marry ideally are our best friend’s… making losing your best friend more damaging than just losing a lover.

I’ve been in very few relationships; my longest relationship was probably 2 years. However, I’ve been friends with people since I was 4-years-old. A few years ago I broke a friendship with one of my friends that I knew since I was about 4-years-old and that hurt me more than losing any girlfriend I ever had. There are days when I want my best friend back more than anything, but there aren’t any days when I want one of my old girlfriends back.

He and I hung out in elementary school, we even went to the same middle school. When high school rolled around we went to different schools but still hangout almost every single day. I stuck by his side and he stuck by mine. One night we got into an argument and it wasn’t our first. However, by the end of it I had this feeling like it was our last, and it was.

Readers, hold your friends close and don’t take them for granted. When everything in your life goes wrong you can always turn to a good friend. That person that you consider the love of your life might not be there a few years down the road; but your good friend definitely will there by your side. Even if you haven’t spoken to your best friend in a couple of weeks they are still your best friend; time doesn’t diminish the friendship.

I say this because there are very few people I consider my best friend and I don’t talk to them every day; I don’t even see them once a week. However, in my heart there will always be a place for them. What happened between me and my closest friend was hard but I believe in time our paths will cross again. When they do I’ll make sure to be the bigger person and admit I was wrong because I’ll push aside my pride to keep a brother in my life. Remember that the next time you have a fight with your friend and you could potentially lose them. You never know because that could be your last fight… because I didn’t. 

More Than Anything

Four weeks into January, has anybody felt any different yet? Or has that New Year feeling worn off already? For me I’ve been facing each day as if it was a new year, facing each day as if it was a new beginning. Believe it or not that’s been working out extremely well for me! After officially completing my first week of classes on Tuesday I feel confident that I will be excelling this semester in my classes. I’ve been updating my blog more frequently. Be honest readers, this is the first time I’ve blogged four weeks in a row. I’m honestly running out of things to talk about, but that won’t stop me from blogging! I also was approved of my TV show last week and I will start filming a comedy in February.

This week I asked myself this… “why is everything unfolding for me now”? I let that question rest on my mind for a while and then it hit me like a ton of bricks. Everything I have done lead to this divine moment. I am being pushed forward against a strong wind and if I give up now I’ll be blown off this journey in my life. If I give up now, or start slacking off, everything I’ve been working hard for will be pointless. I don’t want this moment to be something I regret a few years down the road.

For many of you that read my Here's To 2015 blog you know that 2015 was the worse year of my life. I learned that you have to endure the darkness in order to perfectly admire the light. So for those of you that feel as if this year started off wrong I say work harder. I say don’t give up and push against that wind. Things might not look up now but you are going through what you’re experiencing right now for a reason. You have to work hard for the things you want because the best things in life are never just handed to you.  

Have you ever wanted something so bad that you’ll do absolutely anything – and I mean anything – to get it? However, once you got it you forget the reason why you wanted it in the first place? I think that occurs because a) you truly never wanted it, you just made yourself believe you did or b) you didn’t work hard enough for it so the end goal wasn’t as satisfying. 

Feed your satisfaction and start working for those larger goals because right now I’m on the right path of my life and it petrifies me. Not because I think I’m going to mess up, but because this is the moment my life has been leading up to. I want it so bad that it has consumed me and I’m scared because I love this feeling more than life itself. I don’t know what would feel better than this but I’m more than ready to endure the next step.

My message to you readers is don’t stop moving forward. We are just at the end of the first month and we have eleven more to go. If you made a mistake just learn from it and keep moving on, don’t stop! I believe in you! If there is something you want more than anything, what’s stopping you from going to get it? Get up right now and take a step towards the thing you want most in life…. GO!

Peace readers

-Stylish Ev   

Scarred

When I think of my own mind I often find myself comparing it to my own physical body. I compare my memories to my flesh. Your skin is a variation of who you are because it portrays what you physically look like. That reflects back to your memories, it is just a variation of who are because there are limits to our own memory. Sometimes the things we remember aren’t exactly what happened or exactly how we felt. The perception of what you look like isn’t necessarily who you are, so why should the memory of yourself limit you? For example, a traumatic experience could prevent somebody from ever attempting anything similar to that experience. This automatically restricts your future because you subconsciously place barriers on your own limitations. Just like our misleading flesh, our memory could be strong enough to fool ourselves. 

            This single idea is also similar to the scars on our bodies because there are also scars on our minds. Just as if you got a fresh wound on your body, a most recent mental experience needs time to heal. There are variations to the injury on the body as well as the mind: scratches, cuts, deep cuts, burns, and impalement. Each type of injury needs a certain amount of time to heal physically, which means each kind of mental experience needs a certain amount of time to heal mentally. 

            The way to determine what kind of mental injury you have is easiest to figure out by comparing it to human interactions. A scratch on the mind would be a brief encounter with somebody that’s easily forgettable. It could also be a brief stressful moment. A cut on the mind would be a friend that you bond with and begin to grow close to but don’t. It could also be something that scarred you but did not drastically change your life. A deep cut on the mind would be a friend or family member that you were close too for a long time but then lost. It could also be a fear that was overcame but results in future cautious actions. A burn would be the feeling of betrayal and that happens with somebody that is extremely close. Finally, impalement on the mind would be like losing somebody that you loved more than anything resulting in hesitation of ever loving somebody that way again. It would also be a traumatic experience that prevents you from ever completing that action again. 

            Just like any injury on your body, you always remember the biggest and the deepest scars. Those tiny scratches and cuts always become forgotten in time but the mentally will still remain there. When a scratch happens sometimes it doesn’t even leave a mark. Or when a small cut makes up bleed it will heal completely over time with no mark. However, the mental aspect of scars is more mind-blowing than the flesh. Our minds are such a powerful feature of ourselves that we don’t even realize how drawn we are to the people with the same mental scars as ourselves. Sometimes it’s apparent at first and other times it isn’t but when that connection is made the healed scar that already left its mark begins to vanish. As if you were never hurt in the first place. That’s the affect somebody will have on you if them been through something similar in life. So tell me, is another way of limiting ourselves or what our mind is telling us is true? 

Peace readers

-Stylish Ev  

Change The Force or Force The Change

Last week I wrote a post about focusing on your goals and in the past week I've noticed something strange. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m older or because I’m at a better place in my life now; but coming into the second week of the year it truthfully seems like people are trying too hard to change. More specifically people are trying too hard to change someone else. I understand how you want to better yourself and your life but you can’t force someone to change who doesn’t want to. Maybe this has been going on all my life and I’m old enough to realize it now but it truthfully seems pathetic. 

More damage than good is done when you attempt to change somebody who doesn’t want to be changed. Do yourself a favor and be the change you want to see. If you give that person space and let them continue to live the life they want then in that time they will hopefully realize their wrong doing. If they don’t want to change their self there is no way you will be able to change them.

I know it is hard seeing the person you care about suffer either if its a family member, friend, or loved one. If they don’t want to change there is honestly nothing you can do about it. You will only be hurting yourself more and adding stress to your life if you continue to worry. Do yourself a huge favor and honestly focus on yourself. It is one thing to worry about the things you can control. However, once you start worrying about the things you can’t control your life drags in so much stress. 

As the second week of the year begins look back and notice the small changes you’ve already made for yourself. Don’t give up on you! Continue to aim for that consistent progress and get your mind off of an idea of perfection.  If you strive for perfection you will fail more times than not. However, if you strive for progress you will succeed more times than not and build confidence in yourself. That is the smartest way to move towards perfection and you can’t do that for anybody else but yourself. You making positive changes will hopefully encourage the people around you to do the same. Stay strong readers only 50.143 weeks left of this year so make them count.

Peace readers

-Stylish Ev